I have not slept well of late due to varying pressures and pains in my ears and nose, probably the result of a damaged audial nerve. As I lie semi-conscious in the dark of night I feel the memories coming. Between the memories, which make me feel brittle and old, I have night terrors. I feel (believe) I am seeing past the veil at the end of life. What do I see? The chaos of atoms being ripped apart, the void of space filled with horrible rending. I have no other words for it except that it is terrifying. I am not ready to go there. I have to assume through all that chaos something crystalizes again into consciousness or life.
I am not a scholar or a philosopher, nor an avid reader of books, journals, blogs, websites, social media posts...What do I know of the veil? I've heard of it. It makes sense. As I think back I think the first time I heard of the veil in a concrete sense was in a Mormon Church in Alpine, Texas. My twin brother and I would go there about once a month with our best friend, Casey Dickman, and his family. We'd spend the night on Saturday, occupy ourselves while he read passages in his Book of Mormon, chat and listen to his music before going to sleep at a decent hour and go to his church the next morning. I recall there being preaching or discussion of crossing the veil at birth, or lifting the veil. It makes sense. Before we have consciousness, before we develop into a human being, there is something that precedes, something before. Between then and this life there is a veil which we do not see past, but sometimes we feel or sense past.
Now I feel that I have peered beyond the veil at the other end, death. Am I cracked? I feel like my head cracks open at night in the dark. I'm better in the day. In the daylight I can't recall the memories that visited me in the night.
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